


it's always been you

by yoonoh



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Amnesia, Best Friends, Car Accidents, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:54:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22371394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoonoh/pseuds/yoonoh
Summary: Donghyuck has been out in a hospital bed for a month and Mark hasn't left his side for a minute. When Donghyuck opened his eyes, all the happiness Mark felt was crushed a few seconds later when those words escaped Donghyuck's lips."Who are you?"
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 4
Kudos: 127





	it's always been you

**Author's Note:**

> three things you have to know before reading: i don't know shit about amnesia and hospital so sorry for that. english is not my first language so please don't mind any errors (and let me know). did not proofread so yeah.  
> this story is really different from what i'm used to writing so i'm kinda conscious about that but i hope you enjoy it all the same! i hope you like it <3

"Who are you?" Mark actually feels his heart shattering hearing the question. The pieces are all scattered inside him and there's nothing he can do to put them together. No one to put them together.

Donghyuck can feel the sadness emanating from the man in front of him and something tells him it's his fault but he can't put his finger on it. All he did was ask a question.

"I'm just… gonna call the nurse." The man says and Donghyuck sighs in relief, at least there will be someone with them to diffuse the tension.

Minutes pass and the man comes back with a nurse who checks on him, making examinations and asking him how he's feeling, if he's feeling any kind of pain and what he remembers ㅡ which is close to nothing.

"I don't remember much, to be honest. I remember going to sleep after my 15th birthday party and that's it… Whenever I try to remember anything more my head hurts a bit." Donghyuck closes his eyes while talking and misses Mark wincing. He doesn't remember him.

"Okay…" The nurse says and Donghyuck notices the slight shift in her expression. Something is wrong. "Well, we can't do anything for now so try not to exert yourself. Maybe talking to Mr. Lee here will help you gather your memories."

Donghyuck nods and the woman leaves. He's alone with 'Mr. Lee' again and besides apparently knowing this man but still, he feels uncomfortable being in the same room as him, especially since he doesn't know how to approach him or… remember him.

"So… Answering your question, I'm Mark. Your… friend. Best friend. We've known each other for 8 years." Mark says smiling but Donghyuck can see the hint of sadness his smile carries. 

"Oh… Good. How did we meet?" He says awkwardly but thankfully Mark smiles, a real smile this time and Donghyuck is thrown back for a bit. He has a pretty smile. Really pretty.

"We met in the first year of high school." Mark smiles fondly. "I hated you-"

"Wait, what? How are we friends then? And I'll have you know I am a great person and friend," He catches himself. "You _know_ I'm a great person and friend!"

"Can you let me finish?" Mark scoffs and Donghyuck murmurs a 'sorry'. "As I was saying I hated you. And yes, I know you're great and all but at that time I didn't. But how could I, though? All you did was bully me… You used to call me crater face just because I had acne. And how could I forget the time where you locked me in the gym and I couldn't go on that date with Mina… Her friends hated me for months and I'm not even gonna mention she had friends in the basketball team. They benched me for a year."

Donghyuck feels bad for him even though Mark doesn't show any signs of hurt in his face. Not now, but that definitely hurt him in the past and he cannot believe Mark would want to be friends with such a person.

"Hyuck…" Mark says sitting in his bedside, he holds his hands and smiles at him again. "You don't need to feel bad about it, it was a long time ago and even then… I didn't care that much. Maybe about the crater face thing but… it brought us closer somehow. And later you admitted you only picked on me because you thought I was cool and wanted to be my friend." He laughs and Donghyuck can't help but laugh with him.

"But I'm sorry anyway. I was such a bitch to you and you still wanted to be my friend… Why?" Mark says nothing but Donghyuck can see the faint pink shade that washes over his cheeks.

"I'll tell you later. You need to regain your memories first, you missed the last 8 years of your life."

"... WHAT?" Donghyuck can't help but yell. Did he spend 8 years in a fucking coma? Seeing the panic in his friend's face, Mark widens his eyes.

"No! That's not what I meant! You mentioned that your last memory was your 15th birthday and that was 8 years ago…" Mark scratches his neck. "You've actually been out for almost a month."

"Oh… That's better. Not good, but better." Donghyuck sighs and can't help but ask the question that has been nagging him ever since he woke up. "What happened? To me, I mean. I'm guessing I didn't lose my memories out of nowhere." At that Mark's eyes darken.

"Someone ran you over. He was going so fast… You hit your head on the curb so that's probably why you don't remember anything. He didn't even stop to help you, Hyuck… And I wasn't with you to… I'm so sorry, lov-" He catches himself and sighs. "I'm so sorry, Donghyuck."

It saddens Mark that Donghyuck doesn't… _can't_ remember anything they've lived together but he doesn't want to be the one to remind him. He wants Donghyuck to remember by himself, both to not scare him with all the information and because he needs _Donghyuck_ to remember.

"Were you the one who ran me over?" Before Mark could reply, he continued. "You weren't. So you have no reason to apologize. I'm sorry I don't remember you but even when I don't, I can feel you would never do anything to hurt me. It's okay… Mr. Lee."

"Ugh, stop that. It makes me feel old. Oh, and I just realized I didn't finish the story." Mark gives him a bashful smile and Donghyuck feels something in his stomach that can only be described as butterflies. Mark is really cute, he thinks.

"Oh, yeah. You only explained why you despised my entire existence but besides that you said nothing."

Mark is 16 when he meets Donghyuck. Donghyuck is a few months older than 15 when he accidentally pushes Mark into the school's fountain. Donghyuck was talking to a boy ㅡ who Mark knows now is Jaemin ㅡ when he excitedly opened his arms, accidentally hitting poor Mark who was trying to get to know his new school. He helped Mark get out of the fountain, not before he scolded the boy for not minding his surroundings, even when he himself was in the wrong. Mark could only think about how pretty the boy was despite getting him drenched. Donghyuck would not admit it but the only word wandering his mind while looking at Mark was _cute_. After that, Mark had to endure a whole year of being at the other end of Donghyuck's teasing, but it was the only way he thought of being close to the boy, as was for Donghyuck. Until one day, they had to work in a project together and while Donghyuck liked to wreck havoc in his classes, he cared very much for his education. Somewhere along the way, Donghyuck stopped trying to annoy Mark ㅡ even though it did not mean he would stop teasing the older boy ㅡ and Mark finally got what he wanted, be friends with Donghyuck. For now.

He tells Donghyuck as much, not the last part of course, and the boy smiles softly at him. Mark can't help but smile back.

  
  


✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

  
  


Donghyuck had to stay at the hospital for a while, the doctors wanted to make sure he wasn't feeling anything aside from the memory loss and actually trying to reverse it. It didn't help much, Donghyuck got to remember a few things about his friend, his high school years and the so mentioned first meeting with Mark, but nothing else. Nothing about the accident, nothing about his life after high school.

The only thing he really did remember were his feelings for Mark. He knew there was something even when he first woke up, but how could he be sure if he didn't remember the man in front of him? But these recovered memories only solidified it, he loved Mark. He loved Mark ever since he pushed him into the fountain, ever since he started teasing him because he thought was the only way to get his attention, ever since Mark cried with him when his dog died… He doesn't remember a moment in his life where he hasn't loved Mark.

He only wished Mark loved him back.

Donghyuck was currently sitting in the backseat of Mark's car who, in Donghyuck's opinion, looked _really_ hot while driving.

"Where are we going, Mark Lee?" 

"Stop calling me by my full name, Lee Donghyuck. But to answer your question, we're going to our apartment." Donghyuck gaped and at that Mark looked embarrassed. "Guess I forgot to mention we live together?"

"How… Can you forget something like that? It's literally all I've been talking about! Going home and you… Oh my god." Donghyuck is being dramatic. Not much, but he doesn't know how he can live with Mark after his realization, how he would torture himself this way but…

"Don't overreact, it's not like you're living with a total stranger. But I'm warning you, though, the apartment is a mess. I haven't been there in a while, so…"

"I have amnesia but I remember now how lazy you are, don't use going to the hospital to take care of me as an excuse, you ass. I'm onto you, Mark Lee. You're cleaning it today."

"Only if you're helping!"

"What the fuck, you are so insensitive. I just left the hospital, oh my god!" Donghyuck sighs dramatically, "So much for friends…"

"We'll see when we get there, then."

The drive home was uneventful, it consisted only of Donghyuck and Mark bickering. If Mark ignored the last 2 month's events, he could even pretend Donghyuck was the same and nothing had changed. But he couldn't, not when upon arriving at the apartment Donghyuck asked if they really lived there. The memory of _their_ home forgotten.

Donghyuck felt out of place even in the place where he was supposed to feel at ease, it really looked like a home but not his. He doesn't know if he got too used to the hospital room or if it's a normal occurrence for people with amnesia but he just… can't.

Mark observes how Donghyuck looks around, as if inspecting the place and he's brought back to when they first visited this apartment. Donghyuck was always observant so it would be no different with the place they were close to buying together, every place he looked satisfied him and he had to force himself not to smile because he knew Mark was watching.

It was a long time ago and the Donghyuck now looked nothing like the Donghyuck back then. They had the same face, of course, but back then he was happy and now… it looks like he doesn't want to be here. Is it the place? Or is it Mark?

"Hyuck… Is everything okay?" He asked when he couldn't stand the silence anymore.

"Yeah, sure. It's just… I don't remember this place. It feels weird being here, knowing I used to live here and… I just feel out of place, that's all." Mark tries to hold back his frown but he didn't do a good job since Donghyuck continued, "But don't worry, it will get better eventually. Maybe it will even help me get my memories back."

"Yeah, maybe… Do you want me to show you around? Maybe…" Mark trails off.

Donghyuck nods and they walk around the apartment with Mark talking about things they used to do together but without revealing much. He talked about how Donghyuck used to cook because Mark can't cook for shit and almost set the kitchen of fire trying to fry an egg, how Donghyuck killed a plant because he watered it too much, how they both overfed a goldfish because they're bad parents who don't know how to communicate.

They laughed while reminiscing even though Donghyuck could only imagine those things happening. Mark is grateful he remembered to move Donghyuck's things to the guest's room, he doesn't think he would be too comfortable sharing a room with Mark.

Donghyuck goes to his room and looks through his things, he sees pictures with his family and friends but most of them are with Mark. It didn't matter in what phase of his life he was, Mark was always a constant. His constant.

He decides to search for Mark and ask the question that has been burning at the back of his mind ever since he started remembering. He knows Mark has a reason but he needs to know.

"Mark. I'm gonna ask you something and I'm gonna need you to be completely honest with me." Mark nods confusedly and Donghyuck continues, "Why don't you tell me about my life? About things I forgot? I know you've been there for me all this while so surely you know…"

Mark looks down and sighs, "I knew you were gonna ask about it but I can't, Donghyuck. I just can't. I can tell you things but how would you know they are true? I could only tell my side of things and I feel like it shouldn't be enough. It wouldn't be enough… I need you to remember things for yourself. It's your truth, after all."

Donghyuck softens at that. Mark is always taking care of him and all he wishes he could do right now was to kiss him senseless. But he can't, so he settles for a bone crushing hug.

"I know you. I know you wouldn't lie to me, even if someone pointed a gun at you." _I love you._ "Thank you."

Mark blushes when Donghyuck can't see. "Thank me by making dinner."

After much protesting, Donghyuck makes dinner and they eat while Mark talks about his life without mentioning Donghyuck's influence on it. It's hard considering they've always been joined by the hip but Mark tries anyway, believing it will somehow help Donghyuck remember. He doesn't.

Donghyuck still feels tired, emotionally drained, from the time he spent at the hospital going through countless examinations. He goes to sleep right after dinner and leaves Mark to wonder what the future holds for them. Mark washes the dishes while listening to music, a welcome distraction from the whirlwind of thoughts going through his mind ever since that fateful day.

Mark goes to his own room, ㅡ _their_ room ㅡ and locks the door. He hasn't had time to come back here while Donghyuck was in the hospital but now that he does, he feels the need to go through his pictures, their memories together. The past weeks were like a nightmare to Mark, while he is with his loved one, the man he's known ever since he was just a scrawny teenager, he is with a completely different person. Donghyuck is still the same, still the same bright and snarky person he's met back then but at the same time he's not, he doesn't have a spark in his eyes anymore and Mark has no idea if it's due to his injury or if he somehow doesn't feel comfortable around Mark anymore. He knows it's possible, he can only imagine waking up and finding out you live with someone you have no recollection of meeting but he doesn't like thinking about this possibility. Even if he doesn't remember, even if he doesn't love Mark anymore… He's gonna try his best to make Donghyuck love him again, and if he doesn't… He can live with that. As long as Donghyuck is happy.

  
  


✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

  
  


Donghyuck wakes up to rays of sunshine washing his face. He doesn't know what time it is but he feels rested enough to go through what life throws at him today. He gets up and goes to the bathroom, looking up at the mirror he feels better than he felt in days, he doesn't look like a shell of himself anymore. He washes his face, brushes his teeth and goes to find Mark, hopefully he'll be more successful in getting answers out of him today.

Mark is the living room watching some TV show and doesn't see Donghyuck coming. The younger comes from behind and hugs him as a greeting, making Mark yelp. After recovering from the scare, he laughs and wishes him a good morning.

"I made you breakfast." Mark says without looking at Donghyuck.

Donghyuck scoffs "Liar. I know you can't cook to save your life."

"I bought it. I put the scones in a container and your black coffee in your favourite heating cup so yes, I made it." Mark sticks his tongue at him.

Donghyuck gets his breakfast and sits down on the couch with Mark. They spend a while watching some TV show Donghyuck has no idea what is about, he eats in silence. It's not a comfortable silence because he can see and feel Mark stealing glances at him but he doesn't know what to say to him. He wants to ask about his life before the accident again ㅡ but he knows Mark won't tell him ㅡ, he wants to tell Mark he loves him, has loved him ever since they met, but from what he's gathered his friend doesn't feel the same. He has a lot to say and ask but he knows it will get him nowhere, not now.

He finishes eating and washes the container and cup while Mark, once again, observes him. He's grown somehow accustomed to it by now but he's itching to just… _say_ something. They were not this awkward yesterday and he misses it. He misses the way things were.

"Mark… We can't be like this forever." Donghyuck says as he goes back to the living room. Mark tries to pretend he doesn't know what Donghyuck is talking about but he can keep the act for long.

"I know but… I… don't know what to do, Donghyuck." Mark says and his eyes carry so much sadness Donghyuck is forced to look away. "I want things to go back to the way they were but it's not possible. You are the same but… you're not the same… You don't remember. I want you to remember by yourself so you get to decide how to feel. I'm afraid if I tell you things you'll feel forced to feel the same way you did before, if that makes sense… I don't want to force you to feel anything." By now Donghyuck can see tears threatening to spill from Mark's eyes.

Donghyuck only notices he has moved when he feel Mark's arms enclose around him. He feels his shirt getting wet with tears, feels all the fondness Mark feels towards him as well as the sorrow he's been trying to hide ever since Donghyuck woke up. He knows Mark has been trying to be strong for him but Donghyuck has never been good at saying what he means, he didn't ㅡ and still doesn't ㅡ know how to tell Mark he doesn't need to go through this alone, he doesn't need to _feel_ alone. He just hopes his arms around Mark can convey all he wants to say.

Mark only stops crying when Donghyuck starts rubbing his back while humming a song. _Their_ song. Which he has no way of knowing, this was a few months before they got together and as far as Mark knows, he doesn't remember anything after high school. Mark is as stiff as a board and by the way Donghyuck has stopped his movements, he also noticed.

"What's wrong?" Donghyuck asks, face full of concern.

"The song. How do you know it?" He asks, trying to keep his hope to himself.

"What do you mean? We literally composed it?" Mark stops breathing for a second and feels like his mouth is gonna rip itself open from how hard he's smiling. He keeps looking at Donghyuck and doesn't miss the moment realization dawns on him. He remembered. "Oh my God! Oh my God, Mark! I remember now! We were in our first year in uni and you were so burned out from your project but still wanted to do something to relax. And decided to fucking compose! Even though you were almost a dead man walking." Donghyuck says as he cries tears of joy. He can't stop laughing and Mark thinks it's the most beautiful sight ever.

Donghyuck can't stop smiling. He doesn't remember everything but this is a start. He feels happiness bubbling in his chest and can't help but run to Mark and press his lips on Mark's. He only realizes what he's done after he's done it and he can feel how his eyes widen. He doesn't stop to see Mark's reaction. Not knowing what to do, he decides to do what he does best. He runs to his room and locks the door, not before whispering how sorry he is to Mark. He's ruined everything.

He knew from the start living with the best friend you're in love with wasn't a good idea, but what could he do? He loves Mark and he's selfish enough to live with him because he knows Mark is always going to be there for him, just as he has always been. He knows he can't have Mark the way he wants but he will take what he can get, he just needs Mark. As selfish as he is, he knows Mark is gonna settle down with someone eventually and he will have to let him go but… As long as he can have Mark.

Donghyuck hates himself for it. He doesn't want to be selfish. Mark deserves better.

Mark doesn't know what to feel. He missed Donghyuck so much, he missed the feeling of Donghyuck's lips on his so much. But the panicked looked the younger gave him and the whispered apology after it… Did he regret it? Did it not mean the same thing it meant to Mark? If so… Why did he do it? After thinking about it for a while, a confused and slightly hopeful Mark knocks on Donghyuck's door. He needs to know.

Donghyuck is tucked in his sheets, his eyes slightly swollen from crying, when he hears a knock on his door. He feels his heartbeat accelerating, his palms sweating and it takes all his self control to take a deep breath and wait. Mark knocks again and Donghyuck pushes himself of his bed to his door, afraid of what he will see, he doesn't open it.

"Mark…" Donghyuck surprises himself with how broken his voice sounds. Things weren't supposed to go this way.

"Donghyuck open the door, please." Mark says and he sounds as nervous as Donghyuck, breathless even.

"I can't face you, not like this." He sighs, "Let's talk like this, okay?"

With a door separating them, Mark nods to no one. "Okay."

None of them speak for what it seems like an hour, but only minutes have passed when Mark asks, "Did you regret it?"

"... What?" Donghyuck knows what he's talking about but he doesn't know how to answer it. He doesn't regret it, on the contrary, but how is he gonna tell Mark that without ruining their friendship further?

"Stop this, Hyuck. You know what I'm talking about. Please, don't lie to me…" Donghyuck swears he can hear Mark murmuring ' _please don't lie to me again'_ but he's not sure.

Donghyuck takes a deep breath and steels himself for what's to come. He could lie but Mark would know, he knows Donghyuck better than he knows himself and Donghyuck couldn't live with that. He's gonna tell him, he has nothing more to lose after all.

"No, I don't. I would never regret it, Mark."

"Good." He thinks he hears a sigh of relief but he can't think about that when he feels like his heart is gonna burst. Did he want it too?

"Mark?" Donghyuck whispers, he has to be sure. He doesn't want to get his hopes up only to be crushed when Mark tells him to forget it ever happened.

"Hyuck…" Donghyuck can hear uncertainty in his voice but waits for him to continue, "Why did you do it?"

Fuck. Why did he have to go there?

"Look, I… Mark, we've known each other for years…" Donghyuck can't continue, his tears are getting in the way but he feels like somehow Mark knows that because he doesn't rush him. "Do you remember when we got assigned to that science project in high school? The one where you had to sleep at my place so we could finish it?" Mark hums in affirmation, "We had to sleep in the same room but I couldn't sleep that night, I didn't want you to look at me when I woke up because I knew I would look terrible so I spent the night observing you-"

"What a creep!" Mark says and Donghyuck can feel the amusement in his voice.

He smiles, "Shut up! So as I was saying… That night I realized why I picked on you so much. I mean, I always had a suspicion but that night… Changed it all. That was the night I realized I was in love with you. I don't remember things after high school, I don't know how I turned out to be but one thing I'm sure. I was still in love with you. I _am_ in love with you. And I am sorry for telling you this now because I know you don't feel the same but-"

"Donghyuck-"

"Stop interrupting me! I'm trying to apolofess!"

"Trying to what?"

"Confess and apologize. Apologize and confess. Get on with it, Mark Lee."

"Oh my God, just shut up already and let me talk."

Donghyuck is slightly panicking by now but groans and lets Mark continue anyway.

"Wait, no. Open the door first."

"No fucking way, Mark. I'm not letting you see me now, not when I just said mushy things about you." Donghyuck internally cries and yells, this is all levels of confusing and embarrassing.

"What? That wasn't mushy but… I'm coming in." Mark says and Donghyuck can only hear the sound of the door unlocking before Mark coming into view."

"What the fuck." Donghyuck gapes.

"This is my apartment too? I have the keys. And I gave you the chance to open up first."

Donghyuck tucks himself in his sheets again, covering his face, "I'm gonna skin you alive, mark my words."

Mark actually smiles, a genuine one "You won't. You love me too much for it."

"Fuck you."

"We're straying from the topic again. So, your confession." Mark clears his throat. "I already knew."

Donghyuck feels his blood runs cold. He knew and didn't say anything? He knew and still let Donghyuck suffer alone while living with him? Just what was Mark thinking? His questions are answered when Mark speaks again.

"You told me the same thing 4 years ago. Almost the same thing, it was more romantic back then. We had more background and all." Mark says smiling fondly at the Donghyuck cocoon.

"What the fuck." Donghyuck feels like it's the only thing he can say now. His life at the moment is a big ass 'what the fuck'.

"You love me. I'm happy you remembered that at least, so it won't change anything if I tell you now. We bought this apartment with the help of our parents a few months before we started uni. We got together in the first year of it, 3 months after composing that song… Our song," At that Mark smiles. "We've been together ever since and… I asked you to marry me a week before the accident…" Mark trails off.

There's a lot to unpack there but, "Did I say yes? I did say yes, right?" 

At Donghyuck's frantic asking Mark laughs, "Yeah, you did. I just… Don't like talking about the accident. I wasn't there to help you. To protect you. It could be so much worse but still, you needed me and I wasn't there."

"How many times do I have to say it was not your fault? If you were there, we both would probably have been ran over or something. Stop blaming yourself, I don't." He hugs Mark tightly, "And… Why didn't you want to tell me we were together? If you knew it was ever since high school and I remembered this part. You know that."

Mark hugs him just as tightly, "The truth is I was afraid. Afraid of the accident also changing your feelings. If I told you and you didn't feel the same… I don't think you would want to still be friends with me and… I didn't want to lose you. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, I understand. I would've probably done the same thing… But Mark, I love you. I love you so much and nothing is going to change that, not even an accident or memory loss. I love you."

"I love you too. So much."

Is all Mark can say before Donghyuck catch his lips in a kiss. The kiss is not like the first, not just a peck, this is one is slow, and passionate just like their souls. They don't feel the need to rush things, only enjoying each other's taste. They kissed for what felt like hours and yet they can't get enough of each other.

Mark feels like a huge weight has been lifted off his shoulder. He's happy with the man he loves by his side.

Donghyuck doesn't feel uneasy anymore, for the first time in weeks. He hasn't recovered all his memories yet and he knows it will take time, but with Mark by his side he knows he can make it.

 _They_ can make it.

**Author's Note:**

> you can ask me questions if you want!  
> and please please please let me know what you think! feedback is really important but don't feel pressured to do so ^-^
> 
> also you can find me on: https://curiouscat.me/yoon-o


End file.
